Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
