Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
