I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
