You smell like stripper and shame
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
