I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
