I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
