Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
