There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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