just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
