There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We left the knife in your bed.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
