I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
