We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
