I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
