STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
