I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
worst night to have a conscience
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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