and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
