I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
