I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
