I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
