like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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