Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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