Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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