i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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