Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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