I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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