Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize