Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
