I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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