Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize