he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I want a musical about memes.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
