Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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