Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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