glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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