im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
