just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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