Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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