The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
