I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
