Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
