when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
