Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
