I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
