I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
