let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
