8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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