apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
