all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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