It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Michael Bay diarrhea
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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