not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
