Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Quick, to the slutcave!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
