just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
