"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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