I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
