Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
