How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
