Its about making memories worth repressing
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
