omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
