I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
