Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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