There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize