She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
