Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
