Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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