this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
