He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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