I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
either way he was missing a nipple.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
