If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
