Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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