I'm drive I can fine osifer
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
