Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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