You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
