Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
