and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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