I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize