I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
