What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
we should paint friendship bongs
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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