i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize