Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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