Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I am midnight drunk by noon
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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