lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
