I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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