your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
