Having a random hookup so left but love u
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
