I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
