my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
