Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
