but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
