1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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