Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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