Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
A+ Viking dick
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
