we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
