I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize