But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
