I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
