you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
