good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
